Stop, Think, and Stutter.

As a child, I couldn’t sit still. I struggled to concentrate on one thing for a period of time and my thoughts constantly jumped around in my head as if they were a group of school kids on a trampoline. I used to think about so many different things at the same time, I regularly skipped over things and would say one thing, and then the next sentence would be on a totally new subject.

I’ve begun to stutter or mess up when I’m speaking. My written language skills are actually quite good, and reading off a script even I manage quite fine, but when I’m trying to follow the words in my head rather than with my eyes, it becomes more difficult. Often as a child, and even in my teenage years, my mum would tell me to “think before you speak,” as I’d often find myself in trouble because I didn’t think of the repercussions of my words. As I’m getting older, I am doing so, but it seems to make it a lot more difficult for me to get any words out in the first place.

I’ll speak on the tannoy in work and I’ll stutter, or I’ll merge two words into one, or even skip words out entirely. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m concentrating so hard on saying the sentence, sometimes my brain is saying the words faster in my head than I’m saying them over the tannoy, and it often leads to this happening as a result.

As this is a habit that I’ve developed only recently, I find it quite embarrassing. I worry about people thinking I’m stupid because I can’t get my words out, which often causes me to mess up more than normal. Working alongside colleagues and customers also in a service based workplace only highlights this issue more because it’s happening in the same environment on a regular basis. But it’s become apparent to myself that it’s better to have to repeat and correct myself, rather than possibly offend or make somebody feel negative because of what I said before thinking.

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