A massive difference between me and a lot of people is that I’ve never been too afraid or too proud to ask for help if I need it. I was brought up to ask if I needed something or to say if I didn’t understand so I could learn to be a better person, and this is something I’ll always be grateful for.
To me, this quality is a key part of what allowed for me to change my attitude and overcome what was going through with my head over the last year. I knew something wasn’t right and rather than be ashamed of it, I knew I had to tell my parents what was happening and knew I had to make that initial doctor’s appointment because I recognised that it was something I couldn’t fix on my own.
I’m a very open person and I wear my heart on my sleeve for anybody to see if they bother to give me enough attention. Mainly because, if they are putting in enough effort to be able to see that I’m upset and they want to help or are actually giving up their time to ask me how I am, I believe they are people who I can trust.
To be honest, I am a needy person. I sometimes crave attention and other times I love being alone, but recently I’ve come to realise I don’t rely on people much anymore. It’s not because they’ve let me down in the past, but because I’ve learnt from when they’ve helped in the past and can help myself in a lot of situations now.
I don’t always need people, but I like that they are there. I like having pointless conversations over nothing that I won’t recall in a weeks time, I like having a large support network I can rely on if I do need help, and I like having people around me who make me laugh, but I also like my own company sometimes and don’t want people to get annoyed if I don’t want to spend the whole day checking my phone for notifications, and I don’t want to upset people by not replying because I’m out with a group of people, or just sat in the living room having quality time with my family.
I get two (three at a push) free evenings a week. I have work, sixth form, my volunteer placement and then my school work I have to complete outside my lessons every week, and to be honest, sometimes it’s a stressful workload to balance. To add on top of that family visits, catching up with friends from three different circles, and finding some down time for myself as well as trying to keep the house tidy is near impossible. At the moment every minute feels like a second, and I often don’t want to spend every spare second on my phone. I apologise if that’s selfish and that often my friends are getting a catch up at the end of the day rather than talking all throughout the day, but isn’t it true that your best friends are the people you can go without talking to for weeks on end and then the next time you see them everything is normal?
Sometimes, little things that have happened may get to me and often I don’t want to write a whole blog post about it and vent my feelings, so I’ll write a little tweet about it instead. Like I mentioned before about writing this blog, writing it down for people to see can release a lot of negativity I’ve been holding onto, so with that in mind, just because I write a negative tweet, I don’t necessarily need help. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful people care enough about me to check I’m ok and want to help, but I don’t want people to constantly waste their time and efforts on me if it’s not needed. Please enjoy life and stop worrying. I will ask for help if I need it and know I have people I can go to, so unless I ask, please don’t worry.