Being open with people about mental illness has been the best thing for me. I’ve been lucky that I haven’t been judged and the stigma that comes with it hasn’t been put on me. This is because I’ve been selective with who I have talked about it with when they’ve asked what’s wrong, or say “You look so pale, are you ok?” The sad thing is, why should I have to be selective? I know if I showed some people, (and some of those people used to be the closest people I had around me,) they’d make jokes or laugh which for me is so inappropriate. This blog is part of what has built my confidence up, and with the security blanket of it being anonymous, I love how I can selectively choose people to tell about my blog so they can get a better understanding of me.
Surprisingly, I’ve built up the courage to talk about my anxiety to a few friends in work. Work for me is my safe zone. I do not feel anxious, and if anything, I feel quite happy because it’s an environment I feel comfortable in and almost like I excel there. Even though this is the situation, when I go in straight from school, or I’ve been building up a lot of things, people can see it on my face. When being honest and talking to two girls about it, one confided in me telling me about her mental state too. But the breakthrough came the other night when I was talking to this lovely woman. When I told her and she said about herself, it was like a matching pair. Both going through similar things and both having to fight through doctors appointments to try and get answers. Her journey was almost identical to mine.
Even though only 3 people know in work, I feel like that’s enough. Not everyone needs to know about my demons, and I definitely wouldn’t want me to be the agenda on what to talk about in the staff room, but a weight has been lifted, and honestly, it feels good to be honest with people rather than just say “I’m fine.” I have somebody in each of my main environments I’m in day to day, and although anxiety is not an everything day for me, it’s nice to know their there if it sprouts up.