One Giant Shit Show

Last night I felt low and just wanted to cuddle up in bed and be on my own. But also last night, I found some happiness in the thought of not needing my blog as much anymore even though at that current time I felt worthless.

I’ve woken up this morning and I’m already crying. Crying over the thought of going into sixth form. I haven’t felt this bad about it since the end of September. I was hoping I would sleep this mood off but it hasn’t worked and now I just feel miserable. In reality, I think I’ve been feeling like this for the past week but putting it off. I only made it in one day out of four the entire week previously. Sometimes you have to just think ‘it is how it is,’ have a shit day, and move on.

So this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to allow myself this shit day as I have no work obligations or family obligations, get on with school work at home to lessen the guilt of not going in and still be somewhat productive, and hopefully wake up fresh in a new day tomorrow.

I think I’ve been to less than half my lessons all year, and to an extent, I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m anxious or whether half the time I’m struggling to balance my time between; my job, school, job number 2, visiting family, and making time for myself. After today I’m hoping it’ll be a fresh start. A chance to improve my attendance, get on with my school work and finish the courses and make progress in my job.


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