Making Decisions

This year I made so many silly decisions. I made the decisions based on “what ifs,” worrying that the worst possible outcome would happen if I did this or that. So instead of doing any of these things I wanted to do, because I was worried about the future repercussions, I shut people off, I backed out of plans, and spent most of my down time shut up in my house on my own.

Any person I got close to this year I shut myself off from because I feared getting hurt. I don’t know whether this was anything to do with anxiety or just me not being willing to trust new people, but I do know I’m fed up of it. I need to start taking risks, and to start taking a chance of being hurt because the outcomes may not be that, but could leave me happier than I have been in a long time.

I’ve made new friends this year, and they’ve been some of the most supportive people around me, but getting close with somebody on a level that is a lot more than just friends is a big ask for me. It’s not that I don’t want to, but my brain is telling me to run at any sign of me getting too attached to somebody.

I’m done with that though, I’m done with pushing people away. I’m going to challenge myself to take the next step that I never usually reach, and I’m going to risk the chance of getting hurt if they turn out to be the dick I feared they were.

I’m done listening to my fears, and I’m going to fight them instead.

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