I’ve recently noticed how quick to anger I can be.
I’m not an aggressive person. I have never been, but in my head, I get so irritated usually by little things, and it feels like I’m battling with my own mind on what to do and how to calm down.
I just wrote a full blog post about working in retail over the last hour. I had got it to a place I was happy with, where apart from checking my spelling and grammar, I was ready to publish. I wrote this on my phone and as I went to save it there was no save button so I presumed it had auto-saved. So I left the page to return and find my blog post gone. All of it. Great.
This made me angry. Like actually angry to the point where I could have ripped my hair out and screamed the house down. I put so much work and effort into it just for it to vanish! Poof! And it was gone. Then I realised, why am I getting so angry over it? It’s only a post for crying out loud! It wasn’t the be all and end all, and I wrote it more for my benefit so I could vent my anger. Knowing this still didn’t help, because I knew I couldn’t recreate it to the same piece it was, and I knew that it wouldn’t be the same no matter how many times I re-wrote it.
So instead of rewriting it, I wrote this post, except it wasn’t this post because the same thing happened with this one!
**NOTE TO SELF – Don’t write blog posts on your phone!
This whole occurrence has really made me think, I don’t want to feel so frustrated over things that don’t matter, like now, I’m really irritable, and all I can now think about and concentrate on is the annoying neighbour up the road who won’t stop beeping his bloody horn and my dad’s shoes squeaking every time he moves. I always thought my mum’s comments on my “attitude” and how short my fuse can be was her being unreasonable and that my responses were justified, but now I can recognise that it’s not.
I don’t know how to stop myself getting angry over these things.
I don’t know how to change my way of thinking.
All I know is that I want to and need to.
I recognise I need to change my way of thinking to change the outcome of situations like I need to with my anxiety. I know that much, I just don’t yet know how to control my emotions. This is what I’m going to get some help on, how I can make these changes. This is what the doctor suggested, and this is what I am going to do.