Today it was finally time to go to my doctor’s appointment. This time, I was smart and took my mum with me just for some moral support, but also so she could explain what she saw and noticed in my moods.
Today I actually feel like I’ve got answers. Talking about the mix of feelings and why I feel down, and also my mum hearing exactly what I meant rather than what I say when I can’t stop crying to her, makes me feel like not only my mum can understand what’s going on more, but myself too.
With the doctor, we’ve come to a conclusion that generalised anxiety seems to fit the bill with a few direct situations also playing a part. I don’t know what the cause was and why it’s only come about in recent years, but that doesn’t matter.
I don’t know how our NHS system works. I take my hat off to the doctors who work for it and cannot fathom how they manage to shut off patient to patient, as we could have easily been able to talk for an hour or more yet need to condense it into a 10-minute session. I think this is part of the reason why my doctor decided to refer me to a specialist. Obviously, that’s not the only reason, a specialist can give me more insight to what is going on.
I’ve managed to make a start myself on moving past this thing that’s been affecting my life. I recognise that it’s in my head half the time, I recognise that sometimes when I worry about situations I shouldn’t be, and I recognise that I need and I want to make a change so I can get back to being that bubbly and the energetic girl I was used to be all the time.
I just need help on how I do that. How I make that change. How do I change my way of thinking?
The doctor was supportive in my decision to only use pills as a final measure. I don’t want to have to take a pill to make the anxiety go away, I might as well keeping running away from those situations if I do, so she suggested I can see a specialist, try out cognitive behavioural therapy or both. I’ve opted for both right now, to see what works for me. I want to face this battle with my mind head first, and instead of feeling like I need to avoid situations, learn myself how to cope with them and how I can get on with them.